Bondi Beauty spoke to one of Sydney’s top dating experts about how to date in your 20’s.
From knowing when to take the lead, to the world of online dating, to knowing how to know your worth and value when it comes to the way men treat you – dating is a complex thing.
Your 20’s are an unusual age when it comes to romantic life – on the one hand, its an age of freedom where you have the independence to have fun, without the stress of juggling a 9-5 job, a mortgage and kids.
On the other hand, your 20’s are when you start to really figure out what sort of person you really are and what sort of person you want to be with in the long run, and the scary concepts of marriage and ‘the future’ start to enter the equation.
In the 21st century, the role women play in relationships has obviously become much more empowered than in the past, which adds another level of complexity and more things to take into account in the dating world.
Bondi Beauty spoke with Sydney dating expert, Robyn Nind who has over 15 years experience helping people find love, about dating in your 20’s, and how to do it right. Here’s what she had to say:
Do you think women need to start taking more control of their dating lives – asking men out first, planning the dates, taking the lead?
“This is a tricky one, the truth is men like to lead and women like a man who can take control. This is the fundamental component of masculine and feminine energies, and it is when the masculine and feminine work well together.
As women we have masculine and feminine energies – men who are comfortable and confident in their masculinity tend to be attracted to our feminine energy and repelled by our masculine energy.
They are attracted to us when we are in our heart space and in the receptive mode. There seems to be a lot of confusion today around who takes the lead and who follows.
Women can go too far in either direction – sometimes becoming too alpha and pushing forward, or at the other end of the spectrum women can be too closed off and appear unapproachable.
I think a woman needs to be proactive in showing a man that she is interested and inviting a man to pursue her. She can do this through attention and flirting. Of course a man will feel more confident to pursue a woman when he knows she is interested, especially a man with manners and who is respectful.
A woman needs to make her interest known and clear, however I believe the man needs to be the one to move the relationship forwards in the beginning (and ultimately this is usually what the woman wants). Remaining patient and making a man feel appreciated is very important during this time.
As a connection progresses then it is important for this effort to become more even and to take turns planning dates.”
What are the biggest mistakes women in their 20’s make in relationships?
“Not sticking to their boundaries and becoming attached too quickly. Our emotions become cloudy when we are too attached to a man in the beginning. This can happen when we are intimate with a man before we feel emotionally connected, and this is a mistake younger woman have a higher tendency to make.”
What do you think about the concept of dating being a sort of strategic ‘game’ (for example being strategic about online messaging by purposefully leaving a man waiting for a text reply)
“No, I think if you are going to play games you will get a game. If you want something authentic and genuine, it is more important to take your time and only act when you feel good and at peace, after you’ve allowed yourself space to breathe. Sometimes this may mean taking your time to respond – which can be a good thing.
When we react quickly to a text for example, sometimes it can be rushed and meanings can be misinterpreted. It is important to consider carefully how you respond, and doing this will make it clear that you are considerate and come from a place of honesty.”
What is the biggest thing you wish young women knew/did more when it comes to dating and relationships?
“I wish more young women would learn to value their worth and understand that sex and intimacy is about connection. Be selective. I think there is a mis-conception out in the dating world that sex is on tap and if a man doesn’t get sex soon enough he will just go somewhere else.
As a woman you are in control of the pace, you are an invaluable prize and you should treat yourself as such. Sex is wonderful and it is much better when it is sacred and when the man earns it. I once read something that struck a cord with me in this generation – ‘If a woman is very selective and protective about who she gives the passcode for her phone too, shouldn’t she be the same with her body?’ So remember your worth and don’t settle for anything less than a strong connection with a man who has treated you well.”
Robyn Nind is the Director of Blue Label Life – a boutique matchmaking and dating agency for single professionals, executives and business owners in Sydney and Melbourne. With over 15 years experience in matchmaking, counselling and training she empowers her clients into lasting relationships. Privacy and care are of paramount importance in her professional services. This is for people who want quality over quantity.
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