The common ‘white lie’ in dating that needs to stop

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If you have been on a date at some point in the last 5 years, you would have either said or been on the receiving end of this ‘white lie’ pearler.

“I’m just not looking for a relationship right now”.

Ugh.

That has the same amount of bullshit seeping from it as this old gem; “It’s not you, it’s me”.

EVERYONE in the history of the world knows that when someone says “it’s not you, it’s me” they really mean “it is 100 percent you and not me at all”.

GIF Arrested Development

Do not bullshit me.

This dating white lie has become the convenient fall back for those too cowardly to say to someone’s face that they are no longer interested. What makes it even worse is if this is said via text.

Don’t be that person.

In saying that, I have been that person.

Full disclosure; I am not proud of this story.

I was seeing a guy for a short amount of time, and we initially had chemistry. But if I’m honest, by the fifth date things started to fizzle and the more annoying aspects of his personality I didn’t see before, started to become unavoidable.

So, I took the ever-noble route of slowly starting to distance myself in the hope things would just fizzle on their own and I wouldn’t be subject to the painfully uncomfortable conversation of telling someone that I’m not really into them.

Finally, he confronted me. And I returned his (pretty brave) actions by hitting him with “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now”.

It was a lie and he knew it. I was looking for a relationship, I just wasn’t looking for a relationship with him.

But because Karma is the Regina George of life lessons, it wasn’t too long until I was on the receiving end of the most transparent and obvious dating white lie ever. And OH BOY did it hurt. I also completely deserved it.

GIF Mean Girls

Karma watching as I get what I deserve.

So why did I even use the excuse in the first place? And via text no less.

At the time it seems like the kinder thing to do and you think because it’s only been a short time with this person that a face to face convo is just over kill.

Here’s the thing; if you know they’re really into you, then just a little white lie over text isn’t enough and they deserve better.

I have come up with a solution to this little horror line so as to spare people the BS in future.

*Disclaimer* I am not to be blamed if this doesn’t work.

Have a face-to-face honest conversation.

Tell them there isn’t as much chemistry as you would like, but you would like to stay friends.

Then leave. Don’t hang around for longer than is necessary. No one wants to have a pity party thrown by the person who just dumped them.

They will appreciate your honesty. They will also respect you a hell of a lot more, and you’ll be acting like the decent person that I fully believe you are.

Next time you’re not that into them, don’t cop out and use a dating white lie.

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Milly Haddrick

CONTRIBUTOR

Milly is passionate about the issues and concerns of women navigating their way through the world of sex, dating and relationships, with a side passion for brie, dark chocolate and red wine.

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