This is the guy from all of your favourite rom-coms. Maybe he’s known as a bit of a lady’s man, perhaps because he actually sleeps around, or maybe it’s just because of his charisma.
This is the type of guy who radiates confidence, and (let’s be honest) the two of you probably have a lot of physical chemistry. This guy will tell you from the beginning that he’s not interested in a relationship or “anything serious”, but because he is an expert at saying all the right things to get in your pants, you’ll find yourself thinking, maybe I’m the exception to the rule! Here’s the lesson; you’re not.
While dating a fuckboy can feel like an ego boost at the time (“I can’t believe out of all these girls, he wants to hookup with me!”), the truth is you cannot change a fuckboy. That’s not to say they can’t change, but that change is going to come from them. As the saying goes, “if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck!”
So, you’ve been ghosted? Ugh that sucks. Whether you actually liked the person or not, nobody likes to be left in the lurch. You may find yourself wondering what went wrong or coming up with ways to get them to reach out to you. (True story: once I considered unhinging my wardrobe door so that I could ask a guy to come over and fix it).
Regardless, the annoying thing about being ghosted is the door is always left slightly open because you’ve been given no closure, and that’s what makes them so hard to get over.
But here’s the thing. If someone makes no effort to talk to you or respond to your messages, it’s not because they’re too busy with work or school, they’re just not into you. Being ghosted teaches you to close that door yourself and not to waste time coming up with what-ifs. People prioritise what they care about, it’s as simple as that.
These people aren’t bad people, they’re just not that great either. Mr Mediocre is just a bit… meh. Maybe you’ve gone out on a couple of dates with this person, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with them. They’re nice enough, attractive and well mannered, but if you didn’t go out with them again you certainly wouldn’t sit at home crying about it.
Going out with a person like this teaches you that you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel more than just indifferent. You deserve to be with someone that isn’t just “not a dick”, but someone who truly excites you and gives you butterflies.
The plaything is the person that you keep on the backburner…just in case. Every now and again you tease them into thinking that maybe something will happen, but the truth is you know it won’t.
Look, we’ve all been there. But here’s the thing, while it’s nice to feel like you have options, leading people on makes you the bad guy in their story. If you know it’s never going to happen between the two of you, do the right thing and close the door on their hope.
If you’re lucky, you’ll meet this guy in your 20s. Falling in love with ‘the one’ is easy to do. They put in the work, make time for you, treat you with kindness and respect and fill you with warm and fuzzies.
They are willing to invest time, money and effort into your relationship in order for it to grow and last beyond the honey-moon phase. They are trustworthy and make you feel secure, so there is no need to worry about mind games or cheap tricks. This person will teach you that it’s worth dating and working through all of the aforementioned people, because the lesson’s you learnt shaped you into the person you are now.
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