Getting Over Your Relationship

Getting over a break-up is never easy, but we have some tips on how to move on – fast.

A broken heart can be a tough mountain to climb.

Lying in bed with a tin of Milo listening to Someone Like You on repeat isn’t something that comes highly recommended. But there are things you can do to help yourself let go of your past relationship and move on, and Marriage and Family Therapist Mel Whitney can help you answer the tough questions, change for the better and turn your life around.

People often purposely sabotage themselves to delay feeling better – listening to sad songs is a prime example. Are we gluttons for punishment, or is it just too hard to let go? Heartbreak affects everyone differently, but biologically all the broken-hearted people out there share some similarities.

Heartbreak affects everyone differently, but biologically all the broken-hearted people out there share some similarities.

There’s a theory that if you fell in love as a teenager, the person will be carried around in your heart like a biological bond. Luckily, if this were true, we’d never move on. Not ever. But the good news is that your first love is a strong emotional memory, not a biological imprint. If that person entered your life at a pivotal time, he or she made you feel loved and treasured – and it’s that idea that you’re hanging onto, not the person in particular. You miss the feeling of being with someone, not necessarily with that specific person.

There’s a part of our brain that helps us to forget the bad memories during times of grief – leaving with only memories of the good times. If it was your most recent relationship, your brain again can betray you and make you forget what it’a like to be with anyone else.  You have no desire to enter that meat market of a dating scene, and you’ll fall into the trap of comparing every new possibility to your ex. Meeting and trusting someone new will help you eventually let the old one go.

You’ve heard that “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” If you made a mistake and let go of someone you took for granted, then you’ll be tempted to kick yourself when you’re down. Avoid that trip and listen to the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald: “There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald: “There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.”

Most likely, you just want what you can’t have. If you were fine when things ended but hit the roof when he started dating someone else, then you’re the adult equivalent to the kid that wants his teddy back when a sibling starts playing with it. That’s regrettable but normal, a classic ‘grass is greener on the other side’ scenario. There’s no easy way around that – you just have to try and get over it in your own time.

The hardest reason you can’t get over them is that you really, truly believe that they were your soul mate. Come hell or high water, you’ll try and figure out a path back to each other. There’s nothing anyone can say that will change your mind, and if this is the case, you need to take a long, hard look at why you broke up in the first place, no matter how painful that may be.

Whitney advises you to see that pain as a scar – it used to be painful, but now it’s just a faint reminder that you’ll never quite be free from. It doesn’t mean you’ll never been happy with someone else, but you’ll always have those memories to look back on once in a while and enjoy the nostalgia.

How did you get over your last relationship?

By BB Intern Yael Brender

Yael Brender

I am a freelance writer, dreamer and booklover. I write, rewrite, bang head against keyboard. Edit, re-edit, bang head against keyboard. I write for Bondi Beauty, Eat Drink Play, Warhol's Children and ZOS Magazine. Coffee is just as important as breathing, plus it makes me type faster! We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.

1 Comment
  1. How i got my husband back…

    My name is Bradley Speck. I live in Canada, and i got married four months ago. My husband and I have been living a very happy and lovely life. So as time went on, I began to notice this strange attitude that my husband was possessing. He was now going out with other girls, to the extent that he was no longer picking up my calls, and he was not even sleeping in the house anymore. I became confused and didn’t know what to do. So i became worried and stranded, that brought so many thoughts into my mind, because I have never experienced a thing like this before in my life.

    So I decided to visit a spell caster, to see if he can help me out. So immediately I went to the internet, where I saw an amazing testimony of a spell caster who brought someone’s ex lover back, so I contacted him immediately and I explained to him all my problems and he told me that it will be very easy for him to solve, compare to the ones that he has done before. And he also gave me some proof to be really sure of his work, and he assured me that my husband will come back to me immediately he is through with the spell. And also he told me to put all my trust in him, and I really obeyed him. So it was 8:00 am on the next morning, when I was about going to work, when i received my husband’s call, and he told me that he was coming back home, and he apologized to me, and told me that he is very sorry for the pain that he has cost me. And after some hours later, he really came back home, and that was how we continued our marriage with lots of love and happiness, and our love was now stronger than how it were before.

    then, he also told me that once my heart desire has been granted unto me that i should go and testify of his work right here on the internet. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth today as I am writing this testimony, and I want to really thank DR AZIM for bringing back my husband, and for bringing joy and love to my family.He can also cast many other spells l
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