Apparently there is a difference between climax and orgasm? It seems a lot of us use these terms interchangeably.
Eleanor Hadley is a Sensuality Coach and Sex Educator and she explains how to fully let go during sex. She works with people to help them embody their femininity, enhance their sex-lives and elevate their relationships. We talk to her about what defines a climax and orgasm, and how we can tap into each one.
Is there anything you wish you could change about your industry?
The main thing I’d like to change is how the industry is perceived, and the level of importance placed on this work. Sex is always somewhat of a taboo topic and unfortunately there is a lot of shame and negative associations around it. This means that many people neglect this part of their lives and don’t seek out support. We’re expected to simply know how to have good sex, despite the shocking lack of adequate sex education most of us received growing up.
Why are pleasure and sensuality so important, and do we overlook this in such a fast-paced world?
I truly believe that pleasure and sensuality are the keys to living a beautiful, fulfilling life. Our culture glorifies business, financial success and materialism, but we all know that at the end of the day these aren’t what contribute to a meaningful life. To be sensual is to truly be of the senses. It’s like mindfulness 2.0, but with an embodied twist. Rather than simply bringing awareness to the five senses, sensuality invites you to take pleasure in savouring the senses.
What is the difference between climax and orgasm? Does this apply to men too?
While often used interchangeably, the terms climax and orgasm actually refer to two different parts of the pleasure process. The climax refers to the moment where the culmination of pleasure and arousal reaches its peak and the sexual tension is released in a series of pleasurable, involuntary muscular contractions of the pelvic floor.
To put it visually, the climax is akin to the highest peak of a steep mountain. That is, once you reach the top, there’s a short, sharp descent back down to where you started and can often leave you feeling depleted. Whereas an orgasm is that moment before the climax. It’s also a peak of pleasure, but instead of being short and sharp, the top of this peak is more like a rounded dome that you can stay on and explore for a while before gently coming back down, leaving you feeling deeply nourished.
Climax Orgasm
Understandably, as the terms orgasm and climax get used synonymously, it can be confusing to remember which is which. This is why, in my work, I tend to use instead the terms explosive and implosive orgasm to differentiate the two. Explosive orgasms occur at the moments of climax, and tend to be experienced through quick ejaculatory or clitoral orgasms. Whereas implosive orgasms are those extended waves of pleasure that you can experience through the multiple erogenous zones within the internal vaginal canal, the anus and through full body energy orgasms.
How can we tap into each one?
If you’d like to intentionally explore sustained orgasm, there’s a few different techniques you can explore such as slowing down and using your breath to move sexual energy throughout your body rather than solely focusing on sensation in your genitals. It’s also really useful to familiarise yourself with the practice of edging. The best way to explore this is by using a vibrator, such as Frenchie’s Double Entendre, to take yourself towards your point of no return – where you are about to reach climax – and then backing off and redirecting stimulation elsewhere on the body.
Often sex is very fast-paced (for the man’s pleasure) – should we be slowing down?
Absolutely! Slowing down during sex is the key to having longer, more profound orgasms. Plus, for women and those with vulvas, we require plenty of time and arousal in order to experience maximum pleasure. Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned to see sex as for men’s pleasure, and the male ejaculatory orgasm as the end goal of a sexual encounter and so this is why we tend to rush in to penetrative sex. But, our bodies need a minimum of 20-40 mins of foreplay prior to penetration to allow time for the blood to flow to our genitals, ultimately increasing sensitivity and pleasure.
How can people let go during sex?
If we instead shift the focus of sex to the experience of pleasure, we open ourselves up to more of it. By taking the goal of orgasm off your ‘to-do’ list, it’s actually more likely that you’ll get there. Tune in to the more subtle sensations in different areas of your body, instead of just focusing on the genitals. When we shift our focus, we can diffuse the pleasure throughout the body and open ourselves up to longer orgasms. Remember that sex is about pleasure, not performance.
Do sex toys like the Double Entendre allow people to relax more during sex?
Adding a sex toy during partnered sex is a great way to take the pressure off and heighten your experience of pleasure. The majority of vulva owners require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, so using something like the Double Entendre is perfect to use externally during penetrative sex to ensure the clitoris is stimulated. Plus, for solo self-pleasure sessions, having a dual use pleasure tool is a gamechanger. The Double Entendre is incredibly flexible and allows you to curve it so you can use it both internally and externally at the same time – perfect for getting those blended orgasms!
Dinner is served.
How can women have the confidence to introduce a toy or to slow the pace during sex?
The first step in introducing toys into the bedroom with a partner is open, honest and clear communication. If you know you need clitoral stimulation, share this with a partner and tell them “I really need my clit rubbed during sex, and this sex toy would help me get that”. I’d always suggest having a discussion outside the bedroom first about your desire to try a sex toy together. Be gentle and reassure your partner that you enjoy your sex-life, but want to make it even better. At the end of the day, using sex toys enhances your pleasure potential – something your partner should really care about.
Any tips and tricks for the Double Entendre we should know about?
The Double Entendre is the most versatile sex toy I’ve come across – it really is for everyone. You can use it externally to massage different parts of the body, tuning in to the vibrations and uncovering new erogenous zones. Use it on the vulva with some Oh La La Love Lube, paying special attention to the clitoris. Internally, it’s incredible to use to stimulate the various erogenous zones within the vaginal canal (the g-spot, a-spot, p-spot and c-spot, anyone?). Even better yet, curve the vibe to hit the clit and g-spot at the same time for some mind-blowing O’s.
Frenchie’s Double Entendre will have both of you reaching for it.
Not just for vulvas, the Double Entendre is great to use on the penis by bending the flexible vibe around the shaft or using the tip to stimulate the head of the penis.
And of course, we can’t forget the immense pleasure potential in the anus. Curve the Double Entendre for safety and use plenty of lube to experience incredible orgasms.
