Losing a Platonic Friendship Can Hurt More Than Losing a Romantic One, Here’s Why?
It’s the silent heartbreak that is unable to be prepared for, the platonic breakup. Romantic heartbreaks come with an expectation, one that they’re there for a period of time.
Romantic heartbreaks come with curated Spotify music playlists and all the girls’ bringing flowers and sympathy.
Everyone knows what to say when a relationship ends “you’ll find someone better,” or the classic “they didn’t deserve you.” But when it’s a friendship that falls apart, the world often goes quiet. Friendship breakups have no sad movies or playlists or a blueprint to heal. It hurts harder, and deeper.
Platonic breakups can feel even more devastating because they’re unexpected. Society teaches us to expect romantic endings, and to be independent. We date, we break up, we move on. But friendships, they’re supposed to be forever. So when they end, it feels like something so intimate unravelling without any warning.
Why It Hurts More Than a Romantic Breakup
Romantic relationships often come with boundaries and definitions, there’s a clear beginning, middle, and end. But friendships aren’t so structured, they can become family, a support system and someone who becomes the core of every memory.
A best friend isn’t someone who sees the outer shell, they know every intimate detail about you. And when that person is no longer the centre of life, it can feel confusing and like you’ve lost a spark of identity.
With romantic breakups, there’s a prewritten script, you cry, you vent, you block them, you heal. But with friendships, the ending is often less clear.
Sometimes it’s a slow drift, a gradual silence, an unanswered message that turns into a permanent one. Other times it’s sharp and sudden, a fight, a betrayal, a line crossed. Either way, there’s no handbook. Just the ache of something once so constant now feeling foreign.
The Deep Intimacy of Platonic Friendships
Friendship is often more emotionally intimate than romance. Friends witness everything, the messy breakups, the bad family dynamics, the career fails, the nights where everything falls apart.
They’re the ones you call at 2 am, the people you vent to when your relationship is crumbling. They don’t just hear stories; they live through every step of the way.
Best friends see every unfiltered moment, attachment styles, weird habits, outfit fails and know the ins and outs. There’s no feeling of needing to impress, it’s just a genuine bond and connection.
The Grief of A Platonic Breakup
One of the most painful parts of a platonic breakup is how invisible the grief can be. There’s no playbook, there’s no “you’re finally single and free” dinner, or showering’s of love.
Often it can be hard to detect it even with the blind eye. It can become difficult to conceptualise the feelings of heartbreak, when it’s, to many, “just a friend”.
It’s especially painful when the friendship was your main emotional anchor. For many, especially women, friendships aren’t secondary to romance, they’re primary. So when one of those relationships ends, it’s not just a loss, it’s a rupture in your support system.
No Closure
Romantic relationships usually demand closure, a conversation, a breakup message, a “why.” Platonic endings often dissolve without explanation. It’s the re-reading of every message, looking at photos of the last time they hung out, whilst trying to pinpoint what went wrong. The ambiguity can be haunting, when there is no closure.
Without closure, the grief lingers longer. You don’t know how to mourn someone without an answer, it’s simply nothing.
Learning to Heal
Healing from a platonic breakup means honouring the friendship for what it was, not what it ended as. It’s okay to be sad, or cry, as if it was an ex. It’s okay to have days to miss them deeply and love the friendship as it was.
When a romantic relationship ends it’s okay to mourn, and the same goes for a platonic one.
Overtime, anger and sadness subside, it’s about learning to carry the memories and lessons learnt without fixating on the end. Allow for new connections and friendships to foster and use prior experiences to make the next friendship last.
Remember, heartbreak is heartbreak, whether it’s from a romantic or platonic relationship. It’s worth acknowledging, in order to allow for healing.
