Bouncing Back from a Break-Up

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Is there a right or wrong way to handle getting ditched? The Bondi Beauty Team look at getting over a break-up.

Breaking Up

Psychologist Dr Jeanne Segal recommends allowing yourself to feel the pain of the loss, even though it may be scary

By Bondi Beauty Intern Yael Brender

If you Google ‘getting over a break-up’, you’ll get 3.19 million search results. To save you the time of trawling through them, the Bondi Beauty team have put together a basic survival guide for dealing with break-ups.

– You’re welcome.

Getting dumped seems to call for staying in the same pyjama pants for a week, listening to Let It Go from Frozen and working through the all the flavours of ice cream at the corner store.

The biggest obstacle is technology. Relationship therapist Dr Belisa Vranich warns Facebook means updates on an ex’s life on an hourly basis are easy. “Plus, texting means keeping up contact is easy and impersonal, causing a lot of confusion and mixed emotions.” In conclusion, “You’re in for a rough time.” Great.

The best thing is to cut off contact. A smart move would be to block an ex from Facebook. Also, make sure you mind what you post publicly and try not to text him.

Relationship therapist Dr Belisa Vranich warns Facebook means updates on an ex’s life on an hourly basis are easy.

Being single for the first time in a while is emotionally scary because you’re in uncharted territory. You’ve lost something, and just because it’s (probably) a guy, crying about it doesn’t make you any less of a feminist, or any less of a strong, independent woman. Grief is a natural reaction to loss – and the good news is, there are tried-and-tested ways to deal with grief. Some even work.

1) Cry – a lot, but not forever.

PHD Author and Psychologist Dr Jeanne Segal recommends allowing yourself to feel the pain of the loss, even though it may be scary. “You may feel that your emotions will be too intense to bear, or that you’ll be stuck in a dark place forever. Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process.” Got that, girls? Basically, you’re going to cry. It’s totally unavoidable, so get it out and get over it. And there’s more good news from Dr Segal; “No matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever.” Phew.

Jen King, who contributes to Psychology Today and harbours a special interest in relationships and being lost in your twenties, writes. “Cry. Wallow. Repeat. Now, change your life.” But make sure you set a time limit on your wallowing. Even break-up ice cream isn’t calorie-free.

2) Party.

You could become the party girl, who immediately gets back on that, er…horse. Enlist the help of fancy cocktails to break out of the misery and cheer up. It’s effective up to a point, but not healthy and not sustainable.

3) Keep busy

Always a good idea especially if it involves fitness. A new exercise regimen, study timetable, job hunt, or even spring clean or develop a new hobby. All are good distractions, but may stunt the grieving process.

4) Deal with it from the inside

Self analysis, combing through the history of the relationship and learning so you don’t make the same mistakes next time are options as long as a low elf esteem isn’t the result.

5) Time heals all.

The hardest and simplest thing to do is give it time. Luckily, that’s what friends are for. They can distract and take you for a mani-pedi and you can compare bad break-up stories. Hang onto your girlfriends, girls. They’ll be there when the guys aren’t.

 What is your fail safe tip on getting over a break-up?

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Yael Brender

CONTRIBUTOR

I am a freelance writer, dreamer and booklover. I write, rewrite, bang head against keyboard. Edit, re-edit, bang head against keyboard.

I write for Bondi Beauty, Eat Drink Play, Warhol's Children and ZOS Magazine. Coffee is just as important as breathing, plus it makes me type faster! We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.

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