Dr Kieran Kennedy explains the ins and outs of self-worth and self-love
“Self-Worth” It’s a modern-day buzzword we’ve come to know so well, and just about everywhere we’re told it’s something we need more of. But when we see that word written or hear it (usually inspirationally) spoken, what exactly are we talking about?
When it comes to health of mind and body, a sense of self-worth can be game-changer and where that worth comes from can have a massive impact on us and our lives. Conditional or unconditional worth? Inside or outside? Let’s dive into just how and why we love ourselves (or not), the main component of self-worth, and how we might go about doing that better.
Mental health conditions like depression, anxiety and eating disorders are at an all-time high and it’s time to push back
Self-Worth. What?
Self-worth is a complex psychological construct, but in a nutshell, it sits as our core sense of worth in ourselves as individuals. It’s deeply rooted (consciously and unconsciously) in how we think and feel about our inherent value. It is how we see and think about ourselves.
Somewhat different to the idea of self-esteem which is more our beliefs in performance and positive evaluation from others, our self-worth represents our deepest feelings about ourselves when all the polished selfies, follower counts, grades, salaries, trophies, bells and whistles are put to the side. A powerful sense of how worthy we feel as the person we are without the filters placed on top.
In or Out?
Our self-worth can come from within or without. Inside or outside? It can also be conditional or unconditional? In the end, where we get our sense of worth from has a vital impact on how it shapes up, and how stable a foundation it might be.
A conditional sense of self-worth comes from outside. Too often we don’t define ourselves and our worth from an authentic self or who “we really are” but from our appearance or material things we own (or are photographed with on social). In a world endlessly telling us to be / have / do / look / earn / buy more, it’s easy to fall prey to pressures, comparison and perfectionism.
And it’s not even our fault. We’re tricked into thinking our worth comes from the outside, and with that, we live with a worth that’s conditional. A conditional self-worth is a sense of needing to change who we really are to measure up.
We’re only as valuable and worthy as our latest test score, pay check, booty measurement, mirror check or piece of praise. A worth that’s conditional means living our life in the hope that if we can somehow meet the conditions, then and only then will we be worthy. The problem is those conditions inevitably keep changing, and the goals are higher. It’s a dangerous recipe for anxiety, depression, fear and crippling perfectionism.
On the other side, is a different type of self-worth that comes as foundational – from within which is authentic.
An unconditional self-worth is a worth from our authentic selves, as we are right now. It’s not linked to meeting those social conditions or expectations to be pr to have more.
An unconditional sense of self-worth doesn’t mean not shooting goals, big changes or high standards but it does come from a place of feeling worthy. Who we are, and how deserving we are of acceptance?
Going Unconditional
Laid bare, a healthy sense of self-worth is acceptance that who we are is enough. It’s the layers left aside. UK Psychologist Marissa Peer has plenty of talks about this which may help explain it.
It’s the photo without the filter. The student without the grade. The person without possessions. An unconditional self-worth is who we’re left with underneath. The voice that says, “I’m here, and I’m worthy regardless”. Despite a fail grade, a no reply, or our reflection in the mirror.
Make a move toward the unconditional – make the millions, tone the body, buy the shoes, grow those followers and push the boundaries – or not, the opposite is ok too. Because at the same time, whether we fail or fly, we’re already worthy. You’re already enough. As you are. Right now. Regardless.
For more advice from Dr Kieran Kennedy check out his Instagram @drkierankennedy.
