The toughest breakup of my life.

Who knew breaking up could be this hard?

Breaking up with coffee has been almost as bad as breaking up with a lover.

On Christmas Day last year, I decided to give up coffee. It was something that was on my mind all year, and kept coming up like a big red flag, haunting me. I couldn’t get away from it. My energy healer, nutritionist, and multiple people I interviewed kept mentioning coffee and its negative effect on the immune and nervous systems.

I know there’s plenty of evidence saying coffee has positive effects on the body, but I was convinced the universe and the people around me were giving me a clear message – give it up. After drinking a post-Christmas lunch espresso martini, I decided enough was enough. It was time.

I only drank one coffee a day over the past 2 years. In fact, it wasn’t a coffee but a mocha, but it was large. I consider myself pretty strong, and disciplined when it comes to food, health and lifestyle.

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Right when I wasn’t looking, I fell in love with coffee.

 

I am a single mum with seven year old twins and I work and do triathlon. Life couldn’t function without heavy discipline in multiple areas on an ongoing basis. I am good at saying no – and yes – in order to stick to my goals. But giving up coffee has been torturous.

It’s almost as bad as a break-up, well worse in some ways as I see my former lover every day in the hands of almost everyone around me. Ever counted the number of takeaway coffee cups in George Street on a week day at 8am? It’s breathtaking – and it makes my heart skip a beat for all the wrong reasons.

My mocha was the reward after my daily 6am training session. I bought the same mocha from the same coffee shop for over two years. My mates did question my sanity when I refused mocha’s elsewhere – but they just didn’t taste the same, I reasoned. I now see it was all part of the addiction, and it didn’t stop there.

Once I was fined $200 for illegally parking to pick up my coffee, but that didn’t change things. I rationalised that over two years, it was a small price to pay for the quality and consistency.

I’m embarrassed to admit I feel like I’ve lost a friend, a piece of my social life, and an internal support system within my daily existence. I realise it was a highlight within my daily routine. It was something consistent I could rely on. It made me feel good, connected. They do say it’s the little things in life that matter most.

I’ve dumped my favourite past-time, but I can’t quite let go. And the longer the ‘break-up’ goes, the more attractive he looks. That fragrance of freshly roasted coffee beans smells almost romantic, as I lust after the black liquid.

I’m waking up most mornings at 3.30am, and can’t get back to sleep until 5.00am. I find myself lying in bed thinking about chocolate, probably because it contains caffeine. And going to the toilet? Well, ahem, that’s not the same now either.

Ok, so there were a lot of addiction signs, but I still thought the break-up would be a cinch – it’s not.

Its now five weeks – the experts say it takes six to break a habit. Maybe next week is the week?  Or, even after all this – will I give in,  kiss and make up, jump back into bed with coffee and just see where the road takes us? I’ll keep you posted.

Avatar photo
Renae Leith-Manos

Editor and Founder of Bondi Beauty

Renae Leith-Manos loves fitness, new beauty products, long chats and long flights. She is at her best when traveling the world writing about luxury hotels and Michelin Star restaurants (www.renaesworld.com.au). She has had a colourful media career as a journalist inmagazines and newspapers, in Australia and Asia. She spends her time writing, cooking, consulting to new businesses, running and working out.

1 Comment
  1. Renae – well done for giving up coffee. I have found that that not having coffee has made a big difference to my overall health and energy levels. Even though I would only have a coffee occasionally, I could feel the raciness in my body. What made me stop was eventually deciding that I didn’t like the feel of that in my body and it felt much better just being me.

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